I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb .... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

-Dolly Parton-

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

-Rita Rudner-

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

-Wendy Liebman-

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

-Erma Bombeck-

I think-therefore I'm single.

-Lizz Winstead-

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

-Elayne Boosler-

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

-Maryon Pearson-

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband I have a dog that growls every morning a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night<BR>

-Marie Corelli-

If men can run the world, can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?

-Linda Ellerbee-

I am a marvelous housekeeper; every time I leave a man I keep his house

-Zsa Zsa Gabor-