(Thanks to Jack Weisbrod)

How do crazy people go through the forest?

They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water?

Boil the hell out of it.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

Polaroids.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?

A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?

Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left him.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?

They're trying to get away from the noise.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers

What is a zebra?

An undergarment that's 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?

A dog that runs for help ... after it bites your leg off.

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?

Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

What does it mean when the flag is at half-mast at the

Post Office?

They're hiring.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?

Sanka.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The position of the dirt bag.

Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?

Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad

skydiver?

A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn."

A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK!

What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it!

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way, unique up on it!

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop clop clop?

An Amish drive-by shooting"

How are a Texas tornado and a Texas divorce the same?

Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope!

How many Harvard students does it take to change a tire?

Two - one to hold the drinks and one to call dad. >>